When nothing changes
- Melinda Sanchez
- Jan 2
- 3 min read
A new year begins, and many of us start with a list of resolutions we want to achieve. At first, we dive in with enthusiasm, but gradually, we abandon those plans and fall back into our usual routines.
This doesn't just happen with our personal goals. It also occurs in our relationships when things aren’t going well—whether with a partner, friends, colleagues, or even our boss. Time goes by, and we hope the situation will improve, but months later, we find ourselves in the same place.
Another example is our daily routine: we live trapped in a “Groundhog Day” scenario. We get bored at work, lack motivation, and wait for a promotion, an opportunity, or for someone to notice our efforts.
Here’s the key: even if you think you’re doing your part, real change in your life won’t happen until you’re the one who drives it. When we identify that something isn’t working and simply wait for things to change on their own, it’s unlikely they will. On the other hand, if we act with intention but lack a clear goal, we might move, but it often feels like we’re not making real progress.
Why Is Change So Hard?
From my experience, these are the four main reasons we resist change:
Comfort ZoneSecurity is a core value for many of us. We feel safe in what we know, even if it’s not ideal. Change requires mental clarity, effort, and resilience, which can feel intimidating.
Fear of FailureWhen we try to change something, our inner saboteur voice kicks in: “You can’t do it,” “Why bother trying?” or “What if things get worse?” This fear, fueled by uncertainty, can paralyze us.
AttachmentWe cling to our surroundings, people, and memories, even when we’re unhappy. At work, for example, we might fear losing our sense of belonging. In personal relationships, good memories might make us justify what’s unsustainable.
Social Conditioning“What will people think of me?” This question often echoes in our minds when we consider change. Social pressure and the fear of judgment weigh heavily on our decisions. We frequently overvalue stability, even when it makes us unhappy.
How to Activate Change?
If you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, lacking motivation, or feeling things could be better, here are some questions to guide you:
Why do I feel bad? Identify what’s happening and the emotions it provokes in you.
What have I done so far to improve? Analyze what has worked and what hasn’t.
What’s important to me in this situation? Reflect on your values and priorities.
What would I like to change or improve? You don’t need a radical change. Start with small steps and specific goals.
In my practice, I often meet people who want to change. The very act of reaching out to a coach is a big step—it’s a declaration of intent. A coach can play a key role in this process. With effective tools and techniques, they can help clarify what you can do and how to do it. Many times, a single conversation can open up new perspectives, making things seem much simpler.
The first step is wanting to change. I invite you to reflect on these questions and, if you decide to work on them, I’d be delighted to support you in your journey.
Image by Freepik
Melinda Sanchez Coach
Comments