Do you know how to feel to grow?

How do you act when something happens to you that triggers a strong emotion… sadness, disillusionment, loss, disappointment… or immense joy, satisfaction, fulfillment, liberation…?

If the emotion is negative, many of us have learned that “you have to get over it as soon as possible,” “you need to think about something else,” “you have to forget and move on”… It seems like you have to get rid of the feeling as quickly as possible to return to your normal life and act as if nothing happened. That might happen in an unreal world where we had a reset button with which we could reset our memories and experiences. The reality is that we don’t have that button and honestly, I think we’re lucky not to have it because experiencing emotions, overcoming stages, and learning from mistakes helps us grow as individuals.

If the emotion is positive, how long do you savor it, appreciate it, live it…? In this world of craziness and speed, we move on to something else very quickly without knowing how to receive the benefits of those positive emotions for our mind and body.

How to learn to feel negative emotions?

• Don’t be afraid of them; if you feel them, it’s because they are part of you. Give yourself permission to feel; it’s not about fleeing, but it’s also not about wallowing in pain, sadness, or disappointment, etc. We work on negative emotions to overcome them.

• Observe your body—where do you feel the emotion? Observe where the tensions are accumulated; maybe it’s hard to swallow, you feel a pain in your stomach, there’s pressure in your chest…

• Breathe deeply and give space to the emotion. Acceptance is the key to release. Fighting against the emotion will likely intensify it. Accept that you feel bad, that something painful has happened to you, and that’s completely normal.

• Express what you feel: if you need to cry, cry; if you want to talk, do it; if you want to be alone, take your time; the important thing is to give space to the emotion.

• Ask yourself: What can I learn from what has happened to me? Giving meaning to my emotion for the future will help us overcome it sooner.

• Finally, let it go. Imagine how your emotion is inside a balloon that you hold onto by a string, and when you feel ready, let it go and watch it float up into the sky to disappear among the clouds.

• If the emotion returns, remember the lesson, and if you need to release another balloon… go ahead!

How to learn to savor positive emotions?

• In the moment the emotion arises, express it—feel free to jump, shout with joy, or cry if you feel immense happiness. If it’s a less intense but still very positive emotion, be conscious of your smile, the energy that flows through your body…

• Bring awareness to the people around you, who you share it with, and what they mean to you.

• Gratitude is the most powerful tool for savoring positive emotions. Feel grateful for that moment and for the people around you; I assure you that everything will intensify at that instant.

• Sometimes the positive emotion envelops you so much that you only manage to feel it afterwards. If that’s the case, still remember the moment, who you were with, how you were smiling, how the others reacted around you, be thankful for that feeling and the moment lived.

Emotions are so powerful that when we remember them, our brain doesn’t distinguish if they are happening at that very moment or not. Try it. Close your eyes and remember a moment of great happiness, where you were and with whom, connect with the moment, feel what you felt that day, and notice how your body responds. Returning to a positive emotion can change your day. What do you have to lose by trying?

Image by Unsplash

Melinda Sánchez Coach

www.melindasanchezcoach.com