Do you know how to manage your emotions?

Emotions are all wonderful, the positive ones: when you feel joyful, confident, optimistic, liberated, inspired, and so on. But... what about negative emotions? Are they wonderful too? I believe they are. Negative emotions help us realize that something is happening inside us that needs attention. They help us grow, improve, and learn.

Today, I’m going to talk about how to work with daily emotions, not intense emotions like those caused by loss, trauma, etc. Today, I want to discuss emotional management as a tool for living better.

It’s clear that negative emotions are called “negative” because no one likes to feel them. For instance, when you feel frustrated, lonely, disappointed, apathetic, or anxious, you just want the feeling to go away as quickly as possible so you can move on. These emotions create sensations in our bodies that make us feel bad, as every emotion, whether positive or negative, is automatically reflected in the body. For example, when we’re stressed or anxious, our bodies produce cortisol. If the stress persists, you might also develop tension, stomach aches, migraines, and so on.

Most of the time, we’re unaware that we’re feeling an emotion—we simply feel it. It’s like when we’re very happy because, for example, we’ve been recognized at work. You might feel proud, and your body might reflect this with a smile, your chest pushed forward, and your head held high. It’s great to feel proud, but are you truly aware of that pride? How long does it last? How much time passes before you move on and it becomes just another memory? Do you take enough time to savor that personal satisfaction?

With negative emotions, we usually do the opposite. Let’s take an imaginary example, like all the emotions I describe in my post: Natalia is someone who cares about her friends. She’s always there when they need her, keeps in touch, holds the group together, and is the go-to person for everyone’s problems. Today, Natalia had a horrible day at work. She called a friend, but they didn’t answer. She called another friend, who said they were too busy to talk. She went through her close group of friends, but no one was available. Thoughts started racing through her mind: “Look at this, the one time I ask for someone to listen...” “I feel so alone.” “There are no real friends anymore...” These automatic thoughts created two emotions: loneliness and sadness.

Suddenly, Natalia remembered one of our coaching sessions, where we learned that certain thoughts trigger specific feelings. The first thing she did was focus on her emotions: “What am I feeling?” Once she identified her feelings of loneliness and sadness, she was able to recognize the negative thoughts behind them. She drew a mental line between herself and those thoughts and began rationalizing: “Do I really feel alone? Could it be that my friends are busy and will call back when they can? Am I overreacting? Did I call at a time when they might be working?” The emotions started to fade. Natalia made a decision: “If no one calls back today or shows any interest, then I’ll have a reason to feel lonely.” She decided to give her friends the benefit of the doubt. Sure enough, as soon as they were free, they all called her back.

When emotions manifest as sensations in the body, they become our best indicators for improving our well-being. For negative emotions, they help us address what’s wrong; for positive ones, they remind us to savor the moment. As I mentioned earlier, if I feel proud, I try to be aware of the feeling, savor it, share it, celebrate it... If I feel lonely or sad, I ask myself: “Do I really have reasons to feel this way? Am I thinking clearly?” If so, I let myself feel the emotion and give myself space to process it. Normally, this leads to a shift in perspective, and the emotion starts to dissipate.

If I realize my thoughts aren’t entirely true—that I’m feeding my ego or dramatizing—I choose to replace those thoughts with real, conscious ones. The emotion then becomes much milder or even disappears.

Our emotional vocabulary tends to be quite limited. If I asked you to name all the positive emotions you can think of, how many would you list? Now do the same with negative emotions. Often, we don’t know what we feel because we can’t associate a word with the emotion. Without a name, our brain struggles to process the information. To expand your emotional vocabulary, I recommend searching for a “wheel of emotions” online—it’s a tool that helps you name your feelings.

Emotional management is challenging because we were never taught how to do it. But working with emotions is incredibly rewarding when you realize that sometimes we suffer simply because we don’t know how to manage our thoughts.

It’s never too late to learn. Remember: your life is what you feel, and you feel what you think. Rationalize your emotions by becoming aware of your thoughts.

Image by Freepik

Melinda Sánchez Coach

www.melindasanchezcoach.com