Do you react or respond?

Are you someone who often says to yourself, "Why did I say that?" or "Why didn’t I think it through a bit more?"

We spend our days responding to stimuli. Everything that happens or is said to us expects some kind of response from us, but it doesn’t always require a reaction...

What’s the difference between a response and a reaction?

A reaction is automatic. It happens as soon as the stimulus occurs, without involving conscious thought. A reaction usually comes from our more instinctive, visceral side. Between the stimulus and the reaction, there’s no space—it’s stimulus-reaction.

A response, on the other hand, is conscious because it involves intention. There is a gap between the stimulus and the response—an interval, just a few seconds—where consciousness transforms a potential reaction into a thoughtful response.

When we react, we often feel an emotional weight afterward, and it’s usually negative: guilt, regret, shame...

For example: My child knocks on the door again while I’m in a meeting on the computer.

• My reaction (with an angry face and raising my hand toward the door): "How many times have I told you not to bother me while I’m working? Close the door!"

• My response (firm and assertive, but allowing a few seconds for my brain to think during the interval): "I’m working. Close the door, and we’ll talk when I’m done."

  
  

When we react, we often feel uneasy afterward and might try to fix things once it’s already happened. Sometimes it’s too late to go back… So why suffer the unnecessary consequences of your reaction? Try to respond instead of reacting—just intending to do so will help you improve your responses.

How to respond more and react less

With practice.

Focus on how you react to certain stimuli. At first, it will be hard to notice your reactions in the moment, and you’ll only be able to reflect on them afterward. But focus on how you’d like to respond next time.

As you encounter those situations where you’ve thought about how you’d like to respond, you’ll start to notice the interval—that small moment when you don’t let yourself get carried away by emotion, when you create space for your awareness and allow yourself to respond.

Remember, it’s a learning process, so consistency in practice will help a lot. After a few weeks, you’ll see how much better you feel about yourself.

Image by Freepik

Melinda Sánchez Coach

www.melindasanchezcoach.com