Does the "I have to" take over you?

Do you feel trapped in your own web of obligations? Do you feel like you can’t keep up with everything you “have” to do?

Many of us feel trapped by the anxiety of not being able to do everything, but we continue doing it anyway. Have you stopped to think about what among all your activities are truly real obligations and how many of them are self-imposed, on which you can actually make a decision?

How to escape the "have to" trap?

1. Take some time to reflect on which group your daily activities belong to:

   • Real obligations include helping your children dress because they are too young to do it themselves, doing school homework, preparing a presentation for a meeting with a client, feeding the cat, etc.

   • Self-imposed obligations are those we believe we must do but in reality, we could choose not to. For example: telling myself that I have to bake a cake because my in-laws are coming over for the weekend but I neither feel like it nor have the time… could I buy the cake or some ice cream instead? Another example: having meeting after meeting at work and not having time to prepare an important presentation… could I review whether I really need to be at all the meetings of the day? Am I adding value in all of them, is it essential?

   
   

2. Take care of your vocabulary and how you speak to yourself:

   • From real obligations, change “I have to” to “I must do.” The emotional burden of the obligation to have to do something is much stronger than the duty to do something.

   • From self-imposed obligations that you decide to do, change “I have to” to “I want” to release the burden; as it is your choice, it is not an obligation, but rather your decision.

     
     

   You’ll see how gradually, by substituting key words, you will feel less frustrated and anxious, making it easier to carry on with your day-to-day life with a lighter load.

   Image by Freepik

Melinda Sánchez Coach

www.melindasanchezcoach.com