How much do you love yourself?

Extremes are often a bit dangerous, and the same goes for self-love. It’s just as harmful to love yourself too little as it is to love yourself too much—teetering on the edge of neglect by default or selfishness by excess. But between those extremes, there are many other ways to love yourself. Where do you stand?

Let’s reflect on the following statements:

• It’s important to me that others (family and friends) are okay.

• I feel bad if I don’t help others when they ask for my help.

• I feel overwhelmed with work at the office and at home.

• I rarely find time for myself, to do what I always say I want to do but never can.

• Days go by quickly, and before I know it, I haven’t done anything I had planned.

  
  

If any of these statements resonate with you, or if you feel identified with them, you are probably a sensitive, empathetic, and responsible person who deeply cares about how others feel or how you make them feel. You’re likely someone who finds happiness in giving, and you may not pay much attention to your own desires. Is this wrong? Quite the opposite! Being sensitive, empathetic, and kind is wonderful. The only thing I’d add is that, in addition to having these superpowers, you could learn to apply them to yourself to take care of yourself a little more.

Let’s take an example: Rocío has the superpowers we’re talking about. She’s a school psychologist and the mother of two children. She divorced five months ago, and both she and her kids are going through a tough time. Rocío is very responsible with her work, though she feels exhausted and worried about her children. She can’t keep up with everything: school, work, shopping, extracurriculars, household chores... She hasn’t dyed her hair in three months, and every time she looks in the mirror, she feels worse.

What advice would you give Rocío? Perhaps we could suggest she start by being empathetic with herself: You don’t “have to” do it all; you’re going through a difficult stage. Could she ask for help at work until she can better manage things at home? Could she ask for help with the kids so she can take a day to go to the hairdresser and treat herself? What else could you suggest to Rocío?

I’m sure you can think of many more ideas, but the key is to give yourself permission, to be empathetic with yourself, to listen to what you want, what’s important to you, to ease up on the “have tos” and make way for the “I wills” or “Today I decide to.” Of course, we’re not going to drop everything and move to an ashram to meditate and forget the world (though, who knows, I’m starting to feel tempted…), but self-care is essential for living a fuller, more satisfying life.

Caring for others is fantastic, fulfilling, and rewarding, but if you also give from a life of self-care—knowing what’s important to you, setting goals and desires, and sharing them with your loved ones—your superpowers will multiply by a thousand, and life will take on new colors.

You can ask yourself this question from time to time: How well am I taking care of myself, on a scale from 1 to 10? If the answer isn’t close to a 9, ask yourself: What can I do to make it a 9 or 10? Then go for it!

Image by Freepik

Melinda Sánchez Coach

www.melindasanchezcoach.com