How to break the cycle

First of all, the good news is that we can learn how to break the cycle. When faced with a situation where we lack clarity or feel somewhat insecure, we feel fear or for some reason, we find ourselves thinking the same things over and over again. We’re surprised because, if we reason through those thoughts, most of them we know don’t make sense, yet they come back again and again, causing anxiety and physical discomfort.

For example, in a session, one of my clients shares his concern: “Mel, I’m so happy with my girlfriend. We’ve been dating for a short time and everything is going well, we’re very happy, but I find myself thinking that something will go wrong and she’ll leave me…”

We start with the understanding that humans are designed to protect themselves and avoid suffering. We tend to find a solution for everything that worries us. My client’s previous girlfriend left him, and he went through a fairly depressed period for a few months. Unconsciously, the fear of it happening again is there, somewhere in his mind.

Negative thoughts in a loop often settle on the future—that is, we think about things that could happen and make us feel bad before they actually do. We are worried about something that might happen and isn’t real because only this moment, the one you’re living, is the only thing that exists.

Here’s a brief and simple guide to break the negative thought loop:

• First, we need to be able to detect the looping thoughts.Sometimes we don’t realize what we’re thinking. We let our mind wander and aren’t aware of the negative thoughts until we start feeling bad. Therefore, the first step is to detect what we’re thinking before we begin to feel anxious, afraid, distressed, etc.

• Once you detect the negative loop, ask yourself these questions:

  • Where do these thoughts come from? Understanding their origin and reflecting on why they are making us feel bad will make them lose their power because we’re reasoning through them, introducing awareness.

  • What’s the likelihood of what I’m thinking happening? This is another question that will help us understand that we’re looking for a solution to something that doesn’t have to happen.

  • What do I want to do with these thoughts? You can do several things with them: from ordering them to disappear and not come back, to imagining storing them in a room and throwing away the key. Do whatever you want with them, but don’t hold onto them.

  They will probably come back, but the magic is not to give up. Start the process again, and you’ll see that little by little, you’ll stop being stuck in the loop.

• Mindfulness techniques, like meditation with attention to breathing, can help improve your thought flow.If you are consistent, you will see that if you practice these meditations often, your mind won’t get tangled up in loops as much. Meditation improves the quality and clarity of our thinking, helping us stay more grounded in the present moment, which, as I mentioned earlier, is our only reality—everything else… you choose what to think.

  Image by Freepik

  
  

  Melinda Sánchez Coach

www.melindasanchezcoach.com