The power of expressing what you feel

In a single day, we interact with many people, discuss various topics, and move so quickly that we don’t pay attention to how we communicate. For effective communication, the “what” we want to say is as important as the “how” we say it. Today, let’s reflect on how communicating from the heart can enhance our connection power.

When preparing for a presentation in front of a panel of experts, most of us would carefully prepare the message, review, practice, etc. In daily conversations, it’s obvious that we cannot do this for every interaction, but some conversations are more important than others. Have you ever stopped to think about which conversations are important to you?

Let’s consider some examples of important conversations for Valeria this week:

• A meeting with her boss, with whom she gets along well, to discuss a concern about a project that is critical to her (time, recognition, etc.).

• Talking to her boyfriend about his recent behavior, as he hasn’t included her in his plans lately.

  
  

Valeria has decided to prioritize these conversations this week. When we prioritize and decide what is important to us, if something new related to this topic comes up, our brain will pay more attention to it.

It can be difficult to speak clearly about topics that are important to us, first because we move so fast and don’t take enough time to think, and second, because our emotions are involved. For example, in her conversation with her boss, Valeria feels anxious because she’s had difficulty managing the project. She hesitates to bring this up because she worries her boss might think she isn’t capable, yet she still needs his help.

It’s important to know what you want to communicate, but equally important is how you do it. How you communicate is the key to being understood and making a connection. We often communicate from a place of vulnerability because we associate it with weakness, making it difficult to express not knowing, not achieving, not being able to, or making a mistake—normal things that happen to everyone, which are opportunities for learning and growth. To talk about how you feel, you need a minimum level of trust with the other person to feel secure.

If the person you’re talking to feels you are being sincere, that you’re communicating from your truth (how you feel), the likelihood of connecting with them increases. Typically, when someone speaks honestly about their feelings, empathy from the other party often emerges automatically. Think carefully about whether your interlocutor is someone you can share your feelings with; we don’t always feel equally comfortable with everyone. Examples of potential conversations between Valeria and her boss:

Option 1: Directly discussing the facts, the difficulties she’s encountering with the project. Option 2: Discussing all of the above and also sharing her concern and frustration, seeking advice.

Talking about how you feel helps the other person to empathize with you. Consider the other example: Valeria wants to talk to her boyfriend because she feels he’s been distant lately and not including her in his plans. Examples of possible conversations between Valeria and her boyfriend:

Option 1: Directly asking, “What’s been going on lately that you’re not including me in your plans?” Option 2: Expressing that she feels they’ve become more distant lately, they’re making fewer plans together, and she feels a bit sidelined, and she’d like to spend more time with him.

If in addition to communicating a good message, we express how we feel, the person we’re talking to will have a clearer understanding of what that situation means to you, which will facilitate a stronger connection between you. The profile of the receiver will determine whether we want to open up to them, giving insight into the person we’re talking to and the level of trust we have with them and whether it needs to be worked on.

Remember: if you have something important to say:

Spend a few minutes thinking about how to approach it. Consider who you want to talk to and the level of trust you have with them. Think about the key points of your message. Finally, if you have enough trust with your receiver, speak from your truth, sincerely, conveying how that situation makes you feel. Connection is the magic between people—dare to consciously create that magic.

Image by Freepik

Melinda Sánchez Coach

www.melindasanchezcoach.com