The "tolls" of not being authentic
- Melinda Sanchez
- Dec 13, 2024
- 3 min read
What’s the first thing that comes to mind if I ask you: What does feeling vulnerable mean to you? Most people, when I ask this question, respond with things like: “letting my guard down,” “showing my weaknesses,” “letting people see the real me,” or “ugh... I don’t like it,” and so on. Today, we’re going to talk about being authentic and the benefits of vulnerability.
In this society where we label and pigeonhole everything, where everyone has an opinion on social media (but rarely face-to-face), it’s hard to know how to behave in many situations. This is especially true for young people and particularly teenagers, who feel the need to belong to a group—preferably the “cool” group. It’s natural, during this stage of life when we’re figuring ourselves out, to try on different identities in order to decide who we are or who we want to be.
As adults, we’re supposed to have a solid sense of identity, yet we often find ourselves “performing” or “masking” certain behaviors to fit in, avoid criticism, or prevent others—or ourselves—from suffering. We do it to be liked or to belong. But what’s the cost of playing a role that isn’t truly ours?
At first, it might seem like the short-term benefits are real and immediate. But what does “masking” our lives and sidelining our true selves really entail? If we’re “acting” in certain situations, we should ask ourselves: Why am I choosing to act instead of saying or doing what I genuinely believe is right?
One major reason could be societal pressure. With the world becoming increasingly critical, it’s easier than ever to feel like we don’t fit in. Another reason might be our perception that what’s expected of us doesn’t align with our true essence or authentic nature. Sometimes, having a differing opinion feels like it will lead to conflict, when in reality, it could be an opportunity to integrate new ideas. In the end, we gradually move further away from our authentic selves, thinking it will spare us problems.
The “Tolls” of Not Being Authentic
A contradiction between who I am and how I act, which leads to confusion about which version is real.
Ignoring my fears instead of confronting them.
Learning to manipulate the reality of what I feel.
Dismissing the importance of my true essence: my values.
I started this post talking about vulnerability and why it’s so hard for us to show it. From my experience working with many people—and this is just my opinion—I believe vulnerability is still, unfortunately, associated with weakness.
Every single one of us has weaknesses, but our survival instinct seems to tell us that showing vulnerability is like giving the enemy a roadmap to our flaws. This is where I think the key distinction lies: if you flow with life, stay true to your values, free yourself from guilt, and believe in yourself—then where is the enemy?
Vulnerability, in fact, is what allows us to truly connect with others. It’s how we show our real selves—no filters, no facades—standing tall with both our strengths and flaws, saying: This is me.
As long as we keep hiding behind masks that only serve to cover our fears or insecurities, we’ll be blocking our own personal growth.
I invite you to start becoming aware of the situations in which you use these masks. What fear lies behind them? That, exactly that, is where you should begin working. If you’ve identified it, congratulations—that’s a giant leap forward.
Image by Freepik
Melinda Sánchez Coach
Comments