Tips for an even happier Christmas

Christmas is approaching, a time when we gather with family and friends to enjoy the moment. You may have a wonderful relationship with your entire family, where harmony flows naturally, or the atmosphere may start off cordial but later be disrupted by the behavior or comments of certain individuals who can ruin the evening...

Who am I referring to? People we’ve “labeled”: my know-it-all brother-in-law, my competitive mother-in-law, my cousin who boasts about money… and the list could go on with people you’ve labeled based on their behavior over time. As the evening progresses and conversations unfold, we may find ourselves feeling uncomfortable, attacked, anxious, or even angry.

What can we do to let these comments affect us less—or not at all?

• You already know what this person is like. If you were my coaching client, I’d ask: Why are you surprised if you already know how they are? If you know their comments tend to trigger uncomfortable emotions, the chances of it happening again are high. Therefore, there’s no element of surprise—use this to your advantage.

• When the “labeled” person starts on a topic that you know could upset you, take a conscious breath. You can also repeat to yourself phrases like: “I don’t have to let their words bother me if I don’t want to,” or “I’m calm, and the dinner is wonderful.” Any phrase that brings you back to the present moment is helpful. The idea is to prevent your mind from spiraling into negative thoughts about the person, the situation, or their words, as this will only leave you feeling upset.

• If you feel the need to respond to their comments, I encourage you to read my post, “Do You React or Respond?” It will help you create a conscious intention before responding rather than reacting impulsively to a comment that triggers negative emotions.

  
  

Why do we label people?

Because we’re human. People are different, and anything that falls outside our personal values or ways of thinking can be challenging to manage.

Labels prevent us from seeing a person in a different light—we only see the label. Could it be that your “competitive” mother-in-law grew up in scarcity, and her competitive behavior is a survival mechanism? Or that your cousin, “the one who flaunts his wealth,” actually struggles with low self-esteem, and talking about what he owns is his only source of confidence?

And what labels do you carry?

Where you place your energy grows, so don’t give it away to others. Try removing labels and seeing the person as a whole. Most importantly, enjoy the holiday season to the fullest.

Image by Freepik

Melinda Sánchez Coach

www.melindasanchezcoach.com