Your Values: Allies for Growth

This week, I want to dive deeper into the topic of values—how identifying and truly understanding them can help us grow as individuals. Let’s explore personal identity and the elements that define you, so we can better understand many of your behaviors and reactions. If you’ve ever wondered why certain people or situations make you “snap” or why you simply cannot tolerate specific things no matter how much you try—this post is for you.

Your values form the core of who you are, acting as a compass for your actions and decisions. Whether consciously identified or not, they guide the way you prioritize and choose in life. Knowing your values can also help you recognize traits you’d like to improve in yourself.

Let’s take an example, as I always do in my posts, with an imaginary character. Laura comes to me because she’s been reacting aggressively at work recently, surprising even herself with curt responses and bursts of anger. Her team has undergone significant changes, and the environment has become challenging, but she doesn’t recognize herself anymore. Although she admits the situation is unpleasant, she wants to understand the root cause of her behavior to moderate it. Laura sees herself as a calm person and has generally been happy at work. But since her team’s dynamics shifted, she feels uncomfortable sharing her ideas. A colleague routinely takes credit for others’ contributions, and the atmosphere has grown toxic. Laura understands why she dislikes the situation but struggles to explain her overly aggressive reactions.

After discussing the situation in detail, we delve into what truly matters to Laura. Instead of directly asking about her values, I start with: “Laura, what pushes your buttons? What can’t you stand that makes you react this way?” She pauses to reflect before replying: “I can’t stand injustice or seeing people rewarded for being shameless. I hate it when my job security is undermined, or when the team’s work isn’t respected. And I especially dislike being ignored when I speak, only for my ideas to be presented as someone else’s later.” Together, we analyze her answers and link them to her values:

• “I can’t stand injustice or seeing people rewarded for being shameless.” → Justice

• “I hate it when my job security is undermined.” → Security

• “When the team’s work isn’t respected.” → Respect

• “Being ignored and seeing my ideas stolen.” → Trust

  
  

Understanding what “presses your buttons”—the things that upset or unsettle you—is essential for addressing reactive behaviors. Why do we react this way? Often, our reactions stem from a subconscious place because our values are being challenged, triggering strong emotional responses.

Here’s another example: Beatriz has been feeling stressed because her teenage son has become increasingly withdrawn, and they haven’t communicated well in months. Every time she tries to talk to him and he shuts down, her immediate reaction is anger, leading to arguments. Afterward, guilt takes over, and she wonders why they always fall into the same pattern. Through several sessions, Beatriz realized that one of her most cherished values is trust, which she feels is missing in her relationship with her son. Her stress and hurt stem from the lack of trust he seems to have in her. Beatriz decided to have an open conversation with her son, sharing how important trust is to her, why she reacts as she does, and how she wants to respond differently moving forward. Thanks to this conversation, they’ve started improving their communication. Now, instead of snapping when her son avoids talking, she approaches the situation with empathy, sharing her feelings and inviting dialogue.

Have you ever wondered why you react so strongly to certain situations? I encourage you to reflect on your values. What truly matters to you? Think about the situations that typically provoke strong reactions and what you’d like to change or improve.

To work through this, follow this framework:

1. What situations have triggered strong emotional reactions in me recently?

2. What does the situation represent to me? Which value does it challenge?

3. Why is this value so important to me?

4. How can I respond differently in similar situations to stay aligned with my values?

   
   

If you feel like sharing your experience, feel free to write to me at the email listed on my blog.

Remember: we’re here to live life as fully as possible, but it’s up to you to take small steps toward achieving that. Take the leap to know yourself better and understand your values—it’s a rewarding journey.

Image by Freepik

Melinda Sánchez Coach

www.melindasanchezcoach.com