Deprogramming: building my new self

Life takes many twists and turns; everything is in constant evolution or change: scenarios, relationships, work, family… My question is: Are you evolving with life, or do you continue using the same patterns over and over again?

People act and respond to situations based on what they’ve learned and lived through. For example, a person who grew up in an environment of complete protection is likely to struggle when it comes to making decisions or facing certain situations. Another example: if the family dynamic has been competitive among siblings, you probably have a tendency to compete in all areas of your life—sports, work, etc.

In coaching, we work on growth, and to do that, we only look back to identify repeated experiences that over time become habits and behavioral patterns that limit us.

Here’s an example to help focus ideas:

Current situation: Elena is a great professional in her field, working at an advertising agency and possessing unlimited creativity that helps her propose innovative ideas. She is brilliant and highly valued by her company, but every time she presents a new idea, she feels anxiety, insecurity, and a lack of confidence.

Coaching goal: Maximize creativity and overcome anxiety and insecurity when making creative proposals.

Program analysis: Elena grew up in a very strict, conservative environment where her escape was to retreat into imaginative worlds where she had the freedom she didn’t find at home. As a result, she developed from a young age a vivid imagination and creativity, which today is one of her main strengths in the professional realm.

Coaching work: Understand why, when Elena was young, she allowed her imagination to run wild to gain some freedom. We focus on the tools she has today, as an adult, to choose her responses to certain situations.

In coaching, we only go to the past if it can help unlock patterns and programs that prevent us from moving forward. In coaching, we don’t do therapy, so we won’t delve into traumatic or painful experiences. However, we do need to understand that some past experiences limit us; perhaps in the past, we didn’t have more resources, but now, as adults, we can choose how we behave or respond to certain situations (see the post “Do You Want to Release Your Limiting Beliefs?”).

You are not limited by your past or your experiences. What you’ve lived through has helped shape who you are today, but you can grow and change certain programs. To do this, you need to chart a new path, create new experiences that will lead you to a new world of possibilities to shape your new self.

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Melinda Sánchez Coach

www.melindasanchezcoach.com