"Savoring Christmas"

When I ask, ‘What does Christmas taste like to you?’ you’re most likely to respond with, “Phew… a lot of food, turkey, sweets, roscón, chocolate…” At Christmas, everything is allowed and everything is delicious, I agree. But today I want to talk about savoring Christmas from a different perspective—less culinary—and more about the sensations during or after gatherings with friends and family.

Christmas is about celebrating with people, among those who are our favorite people, whom we’re eager to see and have a good time with, but also those with whom we don’t have as much in common or don’t get along at all… It’s normal for these gatherings to involve someone who isn’t our favorite person, and this is often the one who leaves a sour or bitter taste during or after the celebration. If this sounds familiar to you, you probably have that person in mind. We’ve talked a lot about values (link to post 'Your Values: Allies for Growth'), and you know why certain people 'push your buttons,' so, in short, if they make you feel bad, it’s probably because you have very different values.

Let’s go a step further than values and beliefs. Think about the label we put on that brother-in-law, cousin, uncle, friend, etc., the one who pushes our buttons. 'This is a…' How would you complete the sentence? Annoying, foolish, funny, smart-ass, a suck-up… Now, think about why you’ve given that person that label.

For example: Gabriela has a cousin who is 'the cool one,' she thinks she’s better than the rest of the family because she earns much more than everyone else, and every time they get together, she can’t stand how stuck-up she is. If I ask Gabriela why she dislikes her cousin so much, she responds: 'Because she always has to be above everyone else.' I ask her another question: 'And how does it make you feel?' Gabriela answers: 'Like I’m worth nothing, that I’m beneath her and my work doesn’t matter, it seems like I’m not good enough.' When we touch on this topic, Gabriela starts to realize that her cousin makes her feel inferior, and she gives her enough power to make her feel this way. Gabriela has a good job, is happy with her economic situation, and doesn’t feel inferior at all.

The key is in the power Gabriela gives her cousin to make her feel bad. From the moment we label someone, we are giving that person the power to influence our emotions.

My intention with this post is for you to savor Christmas without those negative feelings that some people leave in us. How do we do this?

Remove the label from that person in question. For example, if the cousin was 'the cool one,' let’s think of her as a person different from me, who behaves differently than I do and has values different from mine. I have every right not to like that person. I’m aware that she’s not my favorite person, so for the little time I see her, I’m not going to give her the power to ruin the party for me. During the celebration, be aware of what thoughts pass through your head when that person is in their moment, when they start to change the flavor of the party. For example, Gabriela’s thoughts would say: 'Look at her, there she goes again, trying to act important, I can’t stand her…' Change those thoughts to: 'She’s a person so different from me… I’m aware I don’t like how she behaves, but it’s only for a little while, and I’m not going to give her the power to ruin my night.' If you’re able to take away the label and normalize the situation, I assure you that you’ll be left with a much richer Christmas flavor than on other occasions. The key is in the power you give to the other person; don’t give it to them, normalize the situation, put some distance, think that they are very different from you and have a right to be so. The moments we have with family and friends are meant to be enjoyed to the fullest, and Christmas comes just once a year. I hope your Christmases are sweet and full of positive emotions. Happy Holidays!"

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Melinda Sánchez Coach

www.melindasanchezcoach.com