The Power of Forgiveness (Part II)

A couple of weeks ago, I talked about the power of forgiveness (link to post), focusing on the benefits of forgiving and how it frees us from negative emotions. Today, we're going to approach it from the perspective of asking for forgiveness, which for many people can be more challenging than it seems.

Which situation do you most identify with?

• I often want to ask for forgiveness but can't, and end up not doing it, waiting for the storm to pass.

• I ask for forgiveness instantly and feel bad if I'm not certain I've been forgiven.

• I only ask for forgiveness if I have to, but I don't feel comfortable doing it.

  
  

These are the three most common scenarios when it comes to asking for forgiveness.

To understand them, the first thing to remember is that each of us comes from a very different family and social background. For example, a family where asking for forgiveness is seen as a way to belittle oneself, as a sign of weakness, or even a loss of power. In these cases, in a difficult situation, silence until the atmosphere calms down is more common. Another example: a family where forgiveness is constantly asked for at the slightest provocation, purely out of fear – fear of hurting someone, fear of not being liked, etc. Insecurity and fear govern these behaviors.

These are just two examples of situations to help understand where the difficulty in asking for forgiveness or the excessive justification can come from. How is forgiveness typically asked for in your family? Do they all behave the same way? Who do you most resemble in your way of acting?

We are people with an essence shaped by our values and beliefs. From childhood, we create behavioral patterns depending on how these values and beliefs are formed. If we don't make an effort to change them, these patterns are ingrained in our way of being and become a part of our daily life.

The act of asking for forgiveness only frees us when we do it from a place of consciousness, from our rational side. It frees us because, first of all, we focus on the fact from reality, relativizing and deciding from our current self what we're going to do. We set aside our ego and our fears.

Here are some reflections that can help you release your emotions through the power of asking for forgiveness:

• Analyze the situation from reality. What reaction did I have on the other person, and how might they have felt?

• Am I giving it the importance it deserves? Too much, too little, or none at all?

• Use empathy. What do you think the other person feels? How would you like to be treated?

• What are you feeling? Can you describe the emotion? Examples: guilt, insecurity, anger, shame, anxiety, frustration...

• What would happen if I don't ask for forgiveness? What if I do?

• What emotion will I be left with if I ask for forgiveness? How will I feel? And if I don't?

  
  

From reality, trying to distance ourselves from our unconscious patterns and reactions, all that remains is how we feel and how the other person feels. Experiencing the liberation of forgiveness is, ultimately, living in a way that's freer from guilt and fear. Be who you want to be, remember that you can choose to change old patterns and beliefs that no longer serve you.

Image by Freepik

Melinda Sánchez Coach

www.melindasanchezcoach.com